Bold truth: first impressions can derail or define entire stories, and Christina Applegate makes that point with striking candor. In her new memoir, You With the Sad Eyes, she shares hard-won fashion and dating wisdom for single women, delivered with a mix of humor and clarity that’s hard to ignore. She uses a simple, memorable rule: if the first date’s shoes aren’t right, consider moving on. Shoes, she argues, can predict whether a relationship will last, acting as a small but telling signal about compatibility and taste.
While she doesn’t name her ex by public moniker in the excerpt, the reference is widely understood to be her former husband, Johnathon Schaech, whom she wed in 2001. Applegate recounts a notably awkward debut: on their first date, Schaech arrived wearing boots that attempted to resemble cowboy boots but fell far short. She recalls the dinner with a vivid, almost comical precision:
“Those shoes are so bad. Bad shoes, bad shoes, bad shoes.” This moment encapsulates a broader theme she explores—how small, seemingly superficial details can foreshadow bigger dynamics in a relationship.
The memoir doesn’t stop at sartorial critique. Applegate opens up about lingering doubts on their wedding day, admitting she talked herself into believing she was the problem, even as Schaech checked many boxes. She notes practical considerations that mattered to her, such as financial independence and shared values—describing a future partner who had more than a modest cushion and who wouldn’t rely on her for financial support. She praises his appeal—handsome, athletic, and agreeable—but acknowledges that the relationship still didn’t endure, ending in 2007.
Today, Applegate is happily married to Dutch musician Martyn LeNoble. They wed in 2013 and share a daughter, Sadie. Schaech’s life after their marriage has included other high-profile relationships and two more children with different partners.
Beyond romance, the book reveals facets of Applegate’s career. For example, she recounts how she joined the cast of Anchorman by turning a tense audition into a moment of spontaneous humor. During a rehearsal with Will Ferrell, she improvised a bold line that caught everyone off guard. The moment made Ferrell and director Adam McKay laugh so hard that they offered her the role, despite the studio having initially lowballed her offer. Applegate notes that the team’s generosity didn’t just land her a job; it secured a future through residuals that became surprisingly lucrative over time.
If you’re curious about how small choices—whether a pair of shoes or a single off-script line—can ripple into life-changing outcomes, this memoir offers a vivid, human perspective. It also invites readers to weigh their own biases about compatibility, timing, and financial independence in relationships. Do you think first impressions, like the shoes on a first date, have a lasting impact on how you judge a potential partner? And when an opportunity comes with unexpected generosity, how do you decide whether to take the leap?
